Mangahas Mabigo

Mangahas Mabigo

Kenneth Isaiah I. Abante 

March 23, 2012 | Valedictory Address 2012 

Ateneo de Manila University

Mr. Edward Go, Chair of the Board of Trustees; Members of the Board of Trustees; Fr. Jose Ramon Villarin, SJ, our University President; Fr. Jose Cecilio Magadia, SJ, Provincial Superior of the Jesuits in the Philippines [Fr. William Kreutz, SJ, Rector of the Jesuit Residence]; Dr. John Paul Vergara, our Vice President for the Loyola Schools; Mr. Washington Sycip [Dr. Nicanor Tiongson], our Commencement Speaker; university administrators and members of the faculty; distinguished guests and beloved parents; fellow graduates, a grace-filled afternoon to you all!

After several people approached me and told me they’re excited to hear my “success story” this afternoon, there was great pressure for me to write a valediction of excellence, probably to prove to you that I have in some way “inspired others”--I am, after all, attempting an “inspirational speech.” But instead of succumbing to these pressures,  I will share with you my most extreme failures, which we as “successful graduates of a prestigious university” seem to be very allergic to, and how so many great Ateneans have inspired me to rise above them.

I. Para sa mga nangahas mabigo

One of the best lessons I learned from friends and mentors here in this university is how to dedicate myself to a cause much greater than myself, even if it means risking personal failure. In a text conversation with one of my friends who was struggling with his failure to graduate this year, he told me how painful it was for him not to march with us. He had chosen to take the difficult-but-worth-it teachers, and consequently had a difficult time performing well academically and helping his family cope financially. I replied:

“Hinding-hindi dapat mahiya ang mga taong nangahas na sumubok at nabigo; sila ang pinakamatagumpay na tao sa mundo. Higit silang matagumpay sa sinumang naduwag at hindi man lang sumubok, o sa sinumang binaba ang matayog na pangarap sa pagnanais na umiwas sa mahirap na landas. Sumablay man sa grado dahil nagtaya nang lubusan, nagtagumpay ka naman sa buhay.” My friend is for me the epitome of the Atenean who is ready to fail for others: a failure not due to mediocrity, but a failure that leads to greater life. He dared try to serve and love his family wholeheartedly and get the most of his college education.

My greatest failure in college was when I joined so many organizations thinking I was being of service to them. I wanted to give, give, give and give, thinking I was giving my all to the people I was serving. [Ako-ako-ako. (I felt like Tolits with more majestic hair.)] But at the pinnacle of all my responsibilities, I felt not happiness, contentment or peace, but a severe tiredness accompanied by a depressing realization: in my trying to love everything I was in fact loving nothing. [I became a lousy student and debater because I lost focus. I was stripped of my Ateneo Christian Life Community membership because I didn’t reach the attendance quota. I wasn’t able to attend to my students’ personal concerns in Alay Ni Ignacio. I became an absent Dorm Ministry Choir member, an insecure COA officer and a burden to my project teams. Aside from this, I was academically underperforming and to cap it all, was confronted with the death of my beloved lolo. I considered myself a walking failure.]

My paradigm of excellence and magis as the exclusive giver was fundamentally flawed. It was only when I failed and was radically humbled that I realized what true loving and true service were. The reason why I was exhausted was that I was exclusively giving love. Arrogant and proud, I closed myself to humbly receiving the love of others. Naubos ako.  I didn’t allow myself to be inspired by others, nor did I allow myself to actively search for inspiration. I was afraid of admitting my vulnerabilities, my weaknesses, my brokenness, my failures.

As a matter of fact, I found out that it is indeed possible to find a well of inspiration that never runs dry because you fall down and realize that you are not the well that gives, but the bucket that goes down seeking the water that fills you. Thus you will be able to say thank you to all the people who inspire you with a humility and candor that infects, because your heart is not hardened by proud giving but remains vulnerable in humbly receiving. [I had to take a fall to realize that I was in fact most of the time that broken bucket that needs and seeks the water that fills it, and not the well or the source that gives]--this is the first point that I want to make.

II. Ang pasasalamat bilang pagmulat

My second point is something I realized during my Ignatian silent retreat: that it is only in this radical humility in risking failure for others that our eyes will be opened to seeing and genuinely thanking the people around us. What is gratitude but the only possible response after having realized that we are from nothing, yet we receive everything in God’s Love? In failure we are humbled and reminded that we are loved by God, with a Love that overflows without condition, that seeks not whether we deserve this Love or not.

God is the ultimate well that gives; this Well is real. And my bucket overflowed and still overflows with the inspiration that I allowed myself to receive from the waterfall of nourishment that others have always tried to give me, stirring me to tread the road of service where--and I say this with a conscientious resoluteness--my strength is always renewed. As my patron saint, the prophet Isaiah wrote: “He renews my youth like an eagle’s.”

It has been five years since we as naive wide-eyed freshmen passed the Ateneo College Entrance Test, [and failed to finish that dreaded logical reasoning section with its unforggetable leaf pattern problems]. It has been four years since we first reluctantly danced “Banana” to the tune of a nonsensical but entertaining “Chen-Chen”, endured our first ever math long test, [joined our first COA org and met our blockmates and org mates]. It was three years ago when we saw the heroism of Ateneans in the largest relief operations in the country, after Ondoy ravaged Metro Manila and sankProvident Village where many of our friends and teachers lived. It was two years ago when theSumilao farmers stopped in their march for justice here in the Ateneo, and when we elected the new president of the Republic. It was this year when we enjoyed our fourth Bonfire and fourth class holiday in four years because of the Blue Eagles Four-Peat. [It was this year when our batch organized the first College Fair in almost two decades. It was just one month ago when we bound the final page of our final project or thesis and saw our eyes sink in eye bags, and say that last word about “meron” in our last philo orals. It was just a few days ago when we gave our blue rose to that special English blockmate who we never really got to talk to.] Now we are here with our togas, cords and caps, ready to graduate. We are leaving the Ateneo--it seems too good and too soon to be true.

[So how do we let go and say goodbye to the home that has loved us so much? We let go with hearts filled with gratitude.] Gratitude is saying yes, we are nothing yet we receive everything in God’s love. In humility we say: we are not the well that gives but the bucket that receives.

Gratitude is due to our families: our parents, benefactors and relatives who have sacrificed every day of their lives in order to allow us an Ateneo education. Gratitude is due to our teachers and friends who have so generously offered themselves to us, and the 153-year tradition of Ateneans inspiring Ateneans:

It is due to Dr. Bobby Guev, who is often mistaken as “Father Bobby Guev” or “prophet” or “God the Son”; Sir Eddieboy Calasanz who is often mistaken as “God the Father”, or the wide-grinned great white shark Bruce from Finding Nemo; Dr. Sio Marquez, Dr. Darwin Yu and Dean Rudy Ang [andMr. Leland dela Cruz], who have lived great examples of what it means to serve the poor in any course and in any profession through their service learning initiatives in health sciences, finance & accounting, and entrepreneurship [and development studies].

Gratitude is due to the silent persevering service of [friends in the Office of Admission and Aid andOffice of Student Activities--and] all administrators and staff--for fulfilling their vocation of serving God through the seeming thanklessness and volume of their jobs. It is due to our elementary and high school teachers who molded us in our formative years. It is clear that I am not the well that gives, but the bucket that receives.

Gratitude is due to examples of leadership and service in this university: Leo Camacho with his great humility and his infectious positivity, perseveringly led the Ateneo Management Association this year and won COA Leader of the Year (and also led his girlfriend to his heart). Gratitude is due to Kat Khowho was able to improve AIESEC-AdMU’s performance into a top 10 local committee in the world, as its Local Committee President. Gratitude is due to Ian Nuevo, who passionately molded the Ateneo CODE into arguably one of the best student-led organizations in the Philippines, serving youth and youth oriented organizations.

[Gratitude is due to examples of leadership and service in this university: Tasha Galbraith, Ateneo SPEED President, who led her organization with her radiant smile that is just characteristic of a genuine desire to serve the differently abled. Gratitude is due to Bian Villanueva, who had a near-perfect attendance in organizing and shouting at the Gate 2.5 mobilizations and inspired all of us to follow his example of social concern and involvement. Gratitude is due to Kirk Long and Bacon Austria, who led the Blue Eagles into a four-peat championship this year.]

Gratitude is due to all our life-long friends in service, our dormmates at the Ateneo Residence Halls, our brothers and sisters, who have supported us no matter what the problem or call.

Ang pasasalamat ay dahil at para sa mga ate’t kuya nating maintenance at security guard, na kagaya ni Ate Alma, na nginingitian tayo nang buong puso at binabati’t kinukumusta tayo na para bagang tayo’y kanilang mga anak na buong galak na inaaalagaan. Ang pasasalamat ay dahil at para sa pamilya natin sa ating mga pagbabad o immersion, na pinatuloy tayo sa kanilang mga bahay nang bukas at namahagi ng lahat ng kanilang kayang maibigay sa tahanan.

Ang pasasalamat ay dahil at para kay Ka Rene ng Sumilao na nagpaalab ng aming mga damdamin nang pinamunuan niya ang mga AtSCAns na kasama sa paglakad patungo sa Batasan Complex nang kami’y binobomba ng tubig ng mga firetruck--siya na pinatay sa Sumilao matapos lamang maipasa ang Comprehensive Agrarian Reform Program Extension with Reform Bill. [Once more, I can say that I am not the well that gives, but the bucket that receives.]

Ang pasasalamat ay dahil at para sa mga kaibigan kong bata sa Katipunan, sila na nagbigay sa’kin ng mga ginupit na keyk mula sa magasin at ginawa nilang kard noong kaarawan ko, sila na palaging nagpapaalala kung ano ang tunay na pagiging mapagbigay, at kung bakit may pag-asa ang Pilipinas. Wagas at nag-uumapaw -- ito ang pagmamahal ng Diyos sa lahat ng mga bayaning tunay na nagmamahal.

The diplomas that we receive today during graduation are part of this [overflowing love--]this grace. Before our individual merits and efforts could bear fruit, a community had to sustain us throughout college life. Gratitude is due to this beautiful realization that we are loved even before our merits are considered--and that even if we feel we don’t deserve the love that we receive, the fact is that we are loved, and that is enough.

[So how does one let go and say goodbye to the home that has loved us so much? We let go by loving; we love by letting go.]

III. Ang pasasalamat bilang tugon tungo sa paglilingkod

This leads me to my third and last point: gratitude out of love is also a concrete response, and not only an inner realization. Fuelled by the fact that we are loved, we show our gratitude by responding to the call to go beyond the paralysis of convenience and realize through these heroes that excellence is futile if it is not an excellence for service. And that we can serve the poor in any course and in any profession:

In our liberation theology classes, we talked extensively about injustices and problematized structures of sin; now it is time we build structures of grace. And we need not look far in order to encounter true models of what it means to build these structures:

Project Laan, a project initiated by Health Sciences majors and a winner of the Loyola Schools Awards for Leadership and Service, has paid for the premium of the PhilHealth social service of around 20 indigent families in their communities in Brgy. Pansol, Katipunan, through social media (a number that is slated to increase). Whether they be the Ateneo Statistics Circle which used statistical tools for their Agricultural Credit Support Project studying the effects of cooperatives in developing farms, the Ateneo Chemistry Society and the Ateneo Management of Applied Chemistry Association that collaborated to organize Kimikabuhayan, a product venture boot camp that developed a product called Citruscent for their GK communities to market; the newly accreditedAteneo Blue Symphony that has helped Kythe-Ateneo raise funds for its advocacy through its concerts; or the Ateneo Catechetical Instruction League that has excellent membership formation and catechetical formation, our student organizations are great structures of grace. [The recent release of the album of our Ateneo Musician’s Pool’s very own Never the Strangersmarks a great future for OPM in the country.]

[A Leadership and Strategy group who won in the Loyola Schools Awards for Leadership and Service, called the Dairy Godmothers, have made a high value carabao’s milk product called Haw Blends, with a value chain that brings the profit to their communities in Nueva Ecija. Whether they be the internationally-renowned Ateneo College Glee Club, Ateneo Debate Society, Tanghalang Ateneo or Heights, our student organizations are great structures of grace.]

So many other examples abound that can be seen just inthe person seated beside you or while taking a stroll around these buildings. Receive the inspiration. Receive the grace. If we can serve the poor in any course and in any organization, we can serve the poor in any profession.

IV. Katiyakan sa kabila ng pangangamba't takot

To close, I was asking one of my respected org presidents why he entered Kythe-Ateneo, the student organization which serves pediatric cancer patients. I remarked how difficult it must be to handle death, especially if it concerns kids he plays with and tries to cheer up in every hospital visit. His reply was simple yet striking: “Yes. In fact, I didn’t want to enter back in first year because I was afraid of facing death--and I still am. I was a coward before; but that I was afraid was the reason I entered.” Incidentally, his name is Elijah, which means “Yahweh is my God” -- his source of strength. If only all of us have his determination to do the things we fear the most maybe many of these challenges far greater than ourselves will be overcome.

[Dahil, gaya nga ng nasabi sa Panalangin ng Pagtatapos:

"Sa aming pagtatapos, ‘wag sana kaming mangamba ‘pagkat--

Ano nga ba ang kapanatagan sa kasalukuyan,

kapayapaan sa kinabukasan at pagpapalaya sa nakaraan,

sa kasiguruhan na Kami’y minahal, minamahal

at mamahalin Mo sa kabuuan ng panahon?”]

The call for us Ateneo students, now and in the workplace, is to serve the community and to be open to the poor despite the inconveniences. It is to accept our vulnerabilities and not to be afraid of failure. It is to be able to talk about them and to learn from them with others. It is letting go of the self into a depth of commitment, constantly reminding ourselves that we are not the well that gives but the bucket that receives.

Hinding-hindi dapat mahiya ang mga taong nangahas na sumubok at nabigo; sila ang pinakamatagumpay na tao sa mundo. Higit silang matagumpay sa sinumang naduwag at hindi man lang sumubok, o sa sinumang binaba ang matayog na pangarap sa pagnanais na umiwas sa mahirap na landas.

Mangahas tayong mabigo!

[For what is excellence but a person who, transcends all his fears and moves oneself and everyone else to serve?]

Hanggang sa muli, Batch 2012!

Magandang hapon sa inyong lahat.

Dios mabalos.

Maraming salamat dito, Ken. Maraming salamat sa lahat sa napakaraming taon ng pagkakaibigan. Patuloy ka sanang maging inspirasyon sa napakarami pang tao! Patuloy akong maniniwala sa'yo.