Father's Day (is still happy)

It was Father's Day, a very special day for me and my siblings.

I rushed all the way from my dormitory to our humble house, bought a cake to remind my dad that it's his special day. Our home seems so different, it was unusually quite. I entered the house and saw my father still asleep. Went up to my room to check my mom, she was crying, asking me not to go back to my dorm anymore. I asked her why?  ---- around 2 in the morning, that same day, she was almost tortured by my own father. Details of what happened, up until now, is still difficult to recount.

It was the most devastating day of my life. The day when we all decided to take a very challenging path away from my father.

Three years after the incident, I found myself in the middle of an amazing grace of strength and love. Despite the unfortunate event, I saw how true love surpassed all the pain, anguish and uncertainty. Love drove us, in a very special way, to accept and outmatch hatred and anger.

My dad still lives with us. He exerted effort not to drink nor smoke. Tried his best to control his temper. He's also now looking for a decent job. My mom is working double time. After breaking up with my dad, she now takes care of everything. At first, it was difficult for both of them to handle their mutual decision to still live under one roof. They believe that this will help us, kids, to understand their decision. As the eldest son, I need to help both of them.

Today is Father's Day, my mom decided to go to the parlor. For the past three years, I saw how she braved the odds of being a single mom to four kids. Time is never an issue to her, she can multi-task and could do even the simplest task in the house. She just loves being a hands-on mom. To see her go against the trauma of domestic violence is a blessing. I never thought that behind her fragile body is a brave and tough spirit.



(di pa tapos)

Pasensya na at salamat.

More than the kisses, hugs, and those in between, I will be missing our meaningful conversations, long and crazy trips (remember our Legazpi Trip and Emong Pandesal?), pig-out sessions, short visit to church, magdamangang kulitan, movie dates and more. I guess I have to try living a life without your morning, pauwi na, nakauwi na, nyth nyth texts. Mukhang nasanay na rin ata akong mabuhay at ikutin ang mundo na kasama ka. Yep, it's painful, sobra. But I guess, we both need to stand up to what happened, we are both old enough not to surpass these tears. Quota na tayo, immediately after kay Ely Buendia umiiyak na tayo, hanggang ngayon ba naman?

PS: Kung dumating man ang araw na handa na tayo parehong ipaglaban kung ano ang meron tayo, alam ko bahay niyo, alam mo din bahay namin, magkakaibigan ang mga kaibigan natin. Ang liit ng mundo para hindi tayo magtagpo at sumubok ulit.

Let's go back to that night, you were walking towards the car, I saw your face. Dun daw ako na love at first sight sa'yo. Remember the cupcakes? It all started there. I miss you, ngayon pa lang, sobra, araw-araw.

Rest assured that all of the memories will be treasured forever.

Nababagabag. Natatakot.

Panginoon, kung saan man, ano man, at sino man. Hangad ko ang iyong pag-gabay. Bukas na bukas na ang puso at ang isip para magpatuloy. Pasensya ka, nababagabag, nanghihina pa rin ang loob, nagtataka pa rin kung handa na nga bang magtaya. Syemps, alam mo naman kung paano tayo magmahal: buhos, ubos at lubos.

Tanong ko pa rin kung handa na nga ba ako ulit na sumubok at magmahal. Panginoon, dalawang taon na rin yun. Naka move on na ang lahat ng tao, marami na ring nangyari, at nagparamdam (hahaha, taas bangko), at sa palagay ko, ready na rin naman ang puso. At...naghilom na rin ang sugat, wala na ring band aid para ikubli ang mga ito. Peklat na lang, pero masayang peklat naman. 

Ngunit alam kong sa huli ng lahat ng ito ay isang malaking biyaya. Patuloy kong yayakapin ang mga pagdududa, pighati at paghihirap na nararamdaman sa gitna ng mga maliligayang sandaling kapiling siya. Ang gulo ko, Panginoon, syet. Sorry. Haha. Hirap, napaka-hirap maging solid sa mga panahong 'to. Btw, salamat sa lahat lahat. Nakakatuwa ang mga surpresa kapag nagmamahal! Ikaw na!